Pancake Police Alert – Fake Maple Syrup Causes Cancer

I told you so.  I told you so.  I told you so.  Fake maple syrup causes cancer.  More specifically, the carmel-4 coloring agent is a potential carcinogen.  However, this is something maple farmers have known for years: your “breakfast syrup” has some bad juju.

Here is the Consumer Reports article that has been referred to me by several people.

When the article came out my father-in-law was the first to call me.  This is interesting because Mrs. Butterheadof this little aside.  He has made it somewhat of a sport to try to feed my sons the fake stuff.  Probably in retaliation for having my sons throw away anything that enters my house that is Black and Gold – Pittsburgh Steelers – disgusting.  (Bissell’s are Browns fans.  We fought the Red Coats.  We were abolitionists.  And we’re Browns fans.  The right side of history. ) The article made an impact on my father-in-law.  He cares for these boys more than himself – he’s not going to feed them poison.

So here is a true story.

The out-laws were feeding my boys breakfast.  The real maple syrup, now a staple, ran out.  BUT, Bennie – the youngest Browns fan – has maple sugar on his oatmeal every morning.  Bennie LOVES his maple sugar in his oatmeal.  He kicks his feet and kind of dances when he eats his oatmeal.  So, my father-in-law did something quite clever.  He took the maple sugar, added a little water, warmed up his mixture and – BAM!  Maple syrup.

So, this little story illustrates how one lost breakfast-syrup-eater can be converted.  Sadly, I’m afraid they are goners when it comes to their choice in football teams.